Thank you! Is it a result?

flying free cover 2290x1520mm

Goodness me! I was overwhelmed by your kindness in response to my request for help. Between comments here on my blog, in the Google communities and on my Facebook page, I had so many helpful suggestions and encouraging remarks, I feel quite blown away. Thank you all.

Of the pitches I put to you, number one was by far the most popular, but often with a suggestion to take bits out and add bits in, so I have done that.

I thought you might like to see what I’ve come up with now and I hope you’ll be so kind as to tell me if it’s any better. I think it tells you a little more about the issues addressed in the book and less about the emotions I hope you’ll feel when you read it.

I appreciated all the comments, learned so much from them and was encouraged by each and every one of them, but there is one comment that I’d like to reproduce here, because I found it rather interesting and fun. It was from Tanya Miranda  and she told me the following:

I went to a pitchapalooza competition in NYC where you pitch your book to multiple agents at once, at a podium, and then get critiqued by those same agents on your pitch. Here is what I took away from that session:

#1 – Your pitch should be SPOKEN in less than 1 minute. They actually use a timer when you’re speaking. Their whole thing is if you can’t describe the book in less than 1 minute, verbally, then you’ve lost your listener’s attention.

Sounds like fun, don’t you think?

With this in mind, I revamped my pitch and tried it out, timing it as I recorded it. It took exactly one minute, plus the few seconds I spent remembering to turn off the recorder. Duh!

 ~~~~

Jayne has been hiding from her past. In fact, she thought she’d escaped from it. But, when her friend, Tom, asks her to marry him, he unwittingly opens her personal Pandora’s Box, and now she can’t seem to close the lid on all that rushes out at her, whirling her into a cycle of self-sabotage. 

Unable to commit to a relationship, she pushes Tom away…along with everything else that’s important in her life.

The challenge she faces is to break free of the past, sort out the present and build herself a future. What she needs is a healing so powerful it will give her hope.

She finds help in an unexpected way from someone she has to learn to trust. But, since trust is one of her major issues, can she let this stranger open the lid of the past wider in order to face her fears and overcome them?

And, when she feels ready to commit, will Tom still be waiting?

~~~

So, what’s the verdict?

Better? Worse? Needs more work?

Once more, I’d really appreciate your opinion. Would this one make you want to know a little more? Would it make you want to read the book?

~~~~

I revised the text for the back cover of the book  too, and I’d be grateful for opinions on that too.

~~~~

When Tom asks Jayne to marry him, he unwittingly opens her personal Pandora’s Box, and now she can’t seem to close the lid on all that rushes out at her, whirling her into a cycle of self-sabotage.

Unable to commit to a relationship, she pushes Tom away…along with everything else that’s important in her life. 

There are things she had chosen to forget. There are others she can’t remember even when she tries. What she does remember is fear.

Feeling emotionally trapped by her past, her biggest challenge is to break through its bars and fly free.

 Then she finds someone to help her make sense of what’s happening, but, instead of slamming the lid shut on all that has been let loose, he helps her open it wider and makes her face her fears in order to overcome them.

Remembering the past helps her make sense of the present and allows her to begin the process of healing and she finds that, as in the fable, there is one last thing left in the Box. That thing is hope.

This novel traces a woman’s struggle to become the woman she wants to be in order to marry the man she loves.

 A contemporary novel about someone who could be your neighbour, your friend, or even you. 

~~~

THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH!

 

9 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Donna Wharton
    Dec 15, 2013 @ 07:55:07

    In reading this time I felt the synopsis roll rather smoothly. There were no longer bumps in the road. So I think the “1” minute limit helped you to focus on the wording so you could pick and choose wisely. My hat is off to you and to Tanya for suggesting your alternative. 🙂

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  2. Katie Cross
    Dec 15, 2013 @ 22:56:58

    That Tanya gives some great advice, and yes, I felt like it was much improved!

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  3. Alana Munro - The Author Who Supports
    Dec 18, 2013 @ 12:43:23

    Sounds very interesting Christine. And so lovely to read how supported you feel. You are amazing and deserve all this support! 🙂 xx

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  4. Zee
    Dec 23, 2013 @ 02:33:13

    For the pitch… I’d take out paragraph three completely. Keep in mind, though, that I can have minimalist tendencies when it comes to writing 😛
    Extremely well written.

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  5. cicampbell2013
    Dec 23, 2013 @ 03:05:02

    Yes, I can see that paragraph could be dispensed with without being missed, Zee. Consider it done! Thank you for your help and encouragement.

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